My new book

‘The Art and Science of Happiness: 10 simple steps to learn how to enjoy life again‘ is available in all formats (audio – print – ebook) in 66 countries.

This book will change your life… if you allow it to.
On these pages, I describe the mechanism of happiness that truly works. It will help you learn how to be happy again because there are specific, scientifically proven things that anyone can do – simple but extremely effective techniques that will change your life. After reading this book, you will finally realize that it’s okay to treat yourself well, it’s okay to love yourself and it’s okay to take care of yourself before taking care of others.

Available on Amazon, iTunes, Audible, Google Books, Lulu and other stores.

The Art and Science of Happiness

Родительская любовь

Сейчас стало модным рассуждать, что “все проблемы из детства”. Я не ставлю под сомнение эту теорию, но она меня заставила задуматься о том, какие критерии мы должны использовать для оценки того, было наше детство “адекватным” или “поломанным”. Потому что последнее слишком, на мой взгляд, часто стало использоваться как оправдание собственных проблем с личностью и недовольства жизнью.

Было ли поломанным детство у ребенка, который рос без отца, но в комфортных условиях? Как это сравнить с теми, кто жил во время блокады? А что насчёт детей, живущих сейчас в Украине? Им хуже или лучше тех, что росли в условиях бедности и отсутствия гигиены в средневековье? Считали ли пещерные люди свое детство “поломанным”, и т.д.

Критерии и стандарты жизни меняются из поколения в поколение, от региона к региону и даже от семьи к семье. А дети, выросшие в одних и тех же условиях, в итоге становятся самыми разнообразными личностями с самым разнообразным набором тараканов.

Получается, единственный объективный критерий “адекватности” нашего детства, на который можно ориентироваться – это любили ли вас ваши родители. Остальное – в вашей голове, и это ваш личный выбор, как к этому всему “остальному” относиться.

Поэтому если вы родитель и если ещё не поздно, то следует сделать следующий вывод: все, что ребенку нужно знать – это то, что вы его любите. Несмотря ни на что. Безусловно. Не за заправленную кровать, пятерки и достижения. А просто так, потому что он – ваш ребенок.

Если вы даёте своему ребенку любовь – значит, вы уже делаете для него все, что можете. А все остальное (новые кроссовки, айфон, условия быта, даже количество времени, которое вы с ним проводите) – как получается. Потому что он все равно найдёт на что пожаловаться своему терапевту, когда вырастет. Но потом поймет, что вы для него делали все, что могли.

Foreword to my new book “The Art and Science of Happiness” (to be published)

And there I was… shattered, broken, dead inside. I woke up before the alarm went off (again), with no desire to open my eyes and get up, with no desire to live. I had lost count of how many days (weeks, month??) went by like that. I was an empty shell of a human, having to function just because I had kids to take care of. They needed to go to school, they needed to eat, they needed a mother. That was the only thing keeping me alive. Or, rather, at least visibly alive. 

Life is a weird and unpredictable thing. And sometimes shit hits the fan and you find yourself in unbearable pain. I’m not talking about physical pain (we all know how to deal with that), I’m talking about the illness of the soul that, if not healed, results in a depression (in some cases – suicide). It happens to many, throughout our lives.

That pain that follows you wherever you go, when you wake up miserable, fall asleep miserable, when you cry when no one is watching. It becomes part of you, to the point when you start forgetting what it feels like – to live without constantly hurting. Sometimes you may even have psychosomatic experiences like real chest pain or difficulty breathing – real body aches resulting from a psychological trauma.

Maybe some of you are going through this right now. If so – be strong. There’s a way out, I promise. I hope this book helps you find yourself and resurrect. If it helps at least 1 person – that’s all that matters to me.

Or maybe you’re one of those people who just forgot how to smile because you’ve buried yourself in responsibilities, chores and duties. Because you have a job that you don’t like. Because you’re married to the wrong person. Because your parents don’t appreciate you. Because… the list goes on. Because you’re living somebody else’s life and not your own. 

A number of years I was in a state when I didn’t know what a natural and sincere smile felt like. I forgot what happiness felt like. I was depressed. I started searching for ways to learn how to be happy again. And I found them. So I want to share them with you.

I believe I can help a lot of people learn how to be happy again because there are specific, scientifically proven, things that anyone can do – simple things that work.

Fast forward a couple years from the day when I realized I was almost dead… 

Today, I’m a person who is grateful for every single day, who wakes up with a smile and goes to bed with a smile, a loving mother who enjoys spending time with her precious kids, a successful professional with multiple published best-seller books, a speaker, an educator, and a business woman. Every single day I only do things I want to do, I never do anything because I have to. I radiate love and I’m capable of truly loving others because I have a lot to give. I truly enjoy life and I consider myself an eternally happy individual. I’m happier than I have ever been, and it’s not because I won a lottery… 

It’s because I have taught myself the skill of happiness. And you can do that, too. It’s actually pretty easy.

I’ve been studying this topic for a long time. I have gathered and digested vast amounts of information and I have practiced many things. In this book, I will describe the mechanism of happiness that truly works. Hope this helps whoever needs help.

Hugs.

Ira Vouk

Exploring

Exploring a new city is like reading a new book. I have a tendency to devour them, in a few days, page by page, forgetting to sleep and to eat. I can’t think of anything more exciting than getting out of the hotel early in the morning, on page one, excited, ready to take it all in: new scenes, new sounds, new smells… That’s my Zen.
One of the reasons why I love traveling is that it shows you again and again that things that are considered weird where you live may be absolutely normal somewhere else. And that opens up your horizons and stretches your mind. That’s how you learn to never judge. Because normality is very subjective.
It’s a very liberating feeling when you learn to accept people for who they are.

The flow

Have you ever experienced that state of mind when you are doing something so engaging that you forget to pee and skip lunch? Turns out it has a name.

Laurie Santos at Yale calls it “flow”. Andrew Huberman (#hubermanlab) calls it “tunnel”. Others call it “being in the zone”.

It is the mental state in which a person performing an activity is fully immersed in a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and enjoyment.

Based on my personal experience, this state is more addictive than sugar. Mainly, because it gives you the feeling of accomplishment. Today was a good day. I got to experience it twice: when writing and then when boxing.

I realized recently that I’m so addicted to it that if I don’t experience it for some time, I subconsciously start changing and re-adapting my life, without even realizing it, so I can be challenged and start “flowing” again. In my life this manifests itself in looking for another job or picking up a new hobby.

I have also realized that ideally we should all have the right to experience this at work, whatever our job is. And if looking back at the last year of your daily work life you realize that you’ve never been able to reach that state – you’re not in the right place.

“The best moments in our lives are not the passive, receptive, relaxing times. The best moments usually occur if a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile.” – says a person with an unpronounceable last name (Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi). He must be from the Czech Republic.

Let’s get flowing!!!

What I learned when I was dying

On June 5, 2021 I was born again. And I left my baggage in my previous life.
Here’s what I learned when I was dying.

…Life is a gift, use it to be a better version of yourself
…Find inner peace within yourself, it’s in your heart
…Don’t let your happiness be dependent on other people and circumstances
…Don’t let guilt control your actions and your mind
…Don’t take responsibility for other people’s happiness, let them live their own lives
…Don’t try to control everything, you can’t, sometimes you just need to relax and let it go
…Sharing is good, don’t hold everything in yourself
…Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional
…Be happy just because you are alive
…It’s all up to us, we make the decision, we choose the life we want to live
…Past is past, let it go, it doesn’t define you, live in the present
…Forgive
…Forgive from your heart, not your head
…Pain is always temporary, you will smile when it’s over
…Appreciate your body, be grateful for what it is doing for you
…Don’t try to explain everything rationally, sometimes you just need to believe
…Money is just money
…Meaningful connections matter. A lot.
…People don’t only use words for communication, they exchange energy
…Stop judging, appreciate people for who they are
…Say what you mean, don’t hold back
…Embrace your feminine energy, regardless of your gender
…Sexual energy is the source of our existence, don’t be ashamed of it
…You are great, you are enough, you have strength, you are important no matter what others think about you

…Smile

…Smile again

…And again

…Everything is going to be alright

…Enjoy every moment of your life, it’s a precious gift

Thank you 2020

It’s almost New Years Eve…
The whole world is silently screaming “FU 2020, we won’t miss you!”

2020 was weird. But boy, have I learned a lot…
I have learned that TP is as important as WiFi.
I have also learned that stock market doesn’t discriminate against people with no finance degree. 2020 made it possible to make money in your sleep on almost any stock with absolutely no experience, using unemployment benefits generously inflated by the federal government.
God bless America!

2020 introduced me to the concept of sabbatical – an extremely valuable experience for any working human being. I realized that inner peace is more important than being employed. (Same goes for being married but that’s a whole separate discussion).

2020 allowed me to explore the wonderful country of Mexico, which was supported by realizing how much I dislike rain, too many rules, lack of TP and 4 walls.

2020 pushed the limits of my comfort zone, far far away from their 2019 condition. In both directions.

2020 gave me a unique opportunity to spend tremendous amount of time with my kids. Something that I would have never done otherwise, buried in work and missing their childhood.

2020 resurrected my heart. It helped me find myself, my inner peace and my happiness.

THANK YOU 2020.
Hopefully 2021 will be as educational but way more peaceful.