I have been thinking a lot about how modern dating apps change the whole concept of dating and developing a relationship.
I don’t really represent a typical user, but if you hang out with the younger crowd (I’m guessing the primary target audience is somewhere in the late 20’s, early 30’s) you’ll discover that nowadays nearly everyone has at least one dating account (tinder, bumble, hinge, plenty of fish, list goes on).
This is a really interesting topic that is definitely due for a full-blown longitute sociological research (I wish I had more time on my hands).
Traditionally, a relationship used to be a natural result of an accidental social interaction.
Selection process was infrequent and limited. As generally, people have a limited number of face-to-face interactions. As a result, relationships are perceived as valuable once they are formed.
People meet, develop an attraction, then proceed to a closer and more committed relationship. The standard flow is: Emotional attraction -> Dating.
In the modern world, dating apps offer an ability to go through an extensive selection process using rational strategies for picking a potential candidate: 1) set filters according to your preferences 2) sort through thousands of people 3) filter further by asking “qualifying questions” after the actual conversation starts and then select a few lucky winners (multiple ones) because there’s another stage in the selection process – the face-to-face, which in many cases results in further disqualifications. The loop continues until a reasonable candidate is selected for further “trials”.
So, the natural (traditional) flow of building a relationship has now been altered. People meet for the purpose of developing a relationship. In many cases, dating comes before forming a bond with the other person. The flow is now: Rational filtering -> Dating -> Attraction (or lack of thereof).
What does it mean for us?
Relationships developed through these apps tend to be perceived as less valuable, they’re less committed, shorter and are often treated as temporary.
First of all, because they’re not built on the foundation of an actual emotional bond. They’re a result of a logical, rational selection process.
Second, lingering on the back of people’s minds is: if this one doesn’t work out – I can always sift through another 1000 within a week and pick a new candidate. Which results in less effort and commitment to actually make a relationship work.
Yes some of these “trials” lead to a happy ending. If you can call marriage that (since half the time it results in a divorce… but that’s a whole separate discussion).
But in general, I can bet the proceeds from my condo, success rate is pretty miserable.
However, I’m suspecting that if an emotional bond happens to be formed as a result – then there’s some potential for an increased chance of success vs the traditional approach, because it has an additional layer in the foundation – the rational filtering, which allows to eliminate some potential risks of failure.
Is this new way of dating – a positive change or not? Who knows. It’s just the reality of the modern world. A new phenomenon that we’re still getting used to.
Some would argue that it is more beneficial to have an increased chance of finding “Mr Right Now” than to be alone waiting your whole life for “Mr Right” to show up at your door with flowers…