Covid has forced us all to reconsider and reevaluate different aspects of our lives.
The following is one of many epiphanies that will probably (hopefully) change me forever.
After spending long days and weeks with kids out of school, trying to handle conflicts of various shapes and sizes, watching myself make different behavioral choices, what became very clear is:
The way parents tend to raise their kids and teach them to distinguish between good or bad is by praising them for behaviors that are convenient for them (parents) and reprimanding (or even punishing) for those that are not.
Boy, is this wrong…
This often results in
– suppressing feelings that are perceived to be “wrong” and unacceptable. They are no wrong feelings. If kids feel angry or upset – that’s how they feel and they have the reason and right to feel that way.
– suppressing behaviors that would benefit the child in the future or make him happy, just because those behaviors are not comfortable for the parents.
– enticing behaviors that will not benefit the child in the future or do not make him happy, just because parents prefer those over the others, for their own benefit.
What’s funny is, even after realizing this, I watch myself do the same thing over and over again and stick with my old patterns. It will probably take months or even years to adjust…
Covid has been an interesting wake-up call for many of us.